I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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