I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Hippo gnu deer
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
try to milk me bitch
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