that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
