Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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