Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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