i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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