i would punch a child for taco bell
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
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I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
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We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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