I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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