I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
it hurts more in the daytime
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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