You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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