i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
