My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
