haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
