I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Randomize
