come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Fuck appropriateness.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
