If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
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after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
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Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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