Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
