My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
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