Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
