I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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