how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
