I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
