ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
