Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
