Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
