I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
