You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
