Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
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My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
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I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
i think we sleep fucked last night...
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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