I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
