Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
