Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
