but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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