He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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