I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
