Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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