You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
