I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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