I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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