We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
