Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
