I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
