at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
