If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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