$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
