The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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