We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
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My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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