i don't plan on having that self control this summer
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
