So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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