I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
