i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
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... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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