This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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