did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
