I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
