just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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