somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
