Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
