I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
