anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
