Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Randomize
