Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
