I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
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