So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Welp...herpes.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
