Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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