Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
